Crouching Redneck, Hidden Blizzard

You can file this under random (but funny).

On the way back from their infamous camping trip (aka The Great Flood of '06!), David and the boys stopped at Dairy Queen.

They were amused when they saw this man crouching and smoking a cigarette outside the restaurant. (They found it equally as funny that he was basically blocking the entrance and made no effort to budge!)



In true mocking fashion, Ian felt it necessary to see what all the "fuss" was about. He chose to eat his Blizzard following this man's example.


I don't know whooooo is raising such smarty children....

WHITE TRASH SALAD SPINNER

I refuse to watch the Rachel Ray Show anymore!!! Well, at least until she agrees to bring her chainsaw voice down at least a couple of decibel levels. It's simply tooooo much! Must she holler?

That being said, I must admit that I picked up a great tip from her very first show that aired this week. I can't believe I actually tried it...but it did work.

David and I aren't big spinach eaters. Have nothing against it (uhhh, I guess until this whole e coli debacle) but we just usually don't buy it. However, we do eat LOTS of leafy green lettuce (no iceberg for us, y'all. We's uptown!) ;-)

Recently, we grew frustrated with throwing away bagged, pre-cut lettuce that always seemed to "expire" five minutes after we placed it in our fridge. You pay dearly for the convenience and then it turns to goopy mush!

We went old school recently...started buying actual whole heads of lettuce!! (Can you imagine?) It does taste better -- fresher. However, the washing and drying part can be a bit of a pain. I never received a high tech salad spinner as a wedding gift and heaven knows I can't be bothered with a making a trip to Big Lots to purchase a knock-off for $5.99.

One of Rachel Ray's guests suggested placing your lettuce in the washing machine (stick with me here) and putting in on the spin cycle for 30 seconds. No, really! I'm aware that this helpful hint can elicit one of two possible reactions:
1) Wow! What a fabulous suggestion! I think I'll add it to my domestic repertoire!
OR
2) Note to self...never accept dinner invitation to David and Lori's!!!

My promise to you is this--if you do come over for a meal, I won't use the White Trash Salad Spinner. You have my word.

SNAKES, SNAILS AND PUPPY DOG TAILS...OH YEAH, AND DEODORIZER

I'm an island.

It's true. I live in a house full of guys. A husband, two teenage boys, a rambunctious male dog...then there's me. Most times I don't mind. Face it, the set-up often lends itself to ME getting to play the princess card. ;-)

I've never been referred to as a tomboy. Ever. I have been called a "guys' girl" before. (Not sure, but I think this just means that I try not to make it a habit of bashing the male species. Well, that and the fact that I don't back down to men very often. Oh, and football. Gotta have my football.)

Aaaaaanyway, David and the boys left for an overnight camping trip this morning. They plan on spending the day boating, then they'll scratch themselves and burp while staring pensively into a campfire sometime later tonight. (Um, you can probably see why I begged off at this point.) I imagine that all of the world's problems will be solved by midnight. When those three get together, you can always count on "smack talk" happening. There'll be much laughter.

Did I mention that the forecast calls for rain today and tonight?

They didn't care. This is their chance to bond. With each other. With nature. They all agreed that the rain will only add to the ambiance. Whatever.

I helped David gather EVERYTHING they needed for their ONE night of roughin' it. Was quite a pile of necessities by the door this morning. He was amused at me as I asked uninformed "girl" questions while attempting to help him leave.

ME: So, do guys take toothbrushes on camping trips?
DAVID: No. We'll be fine. It's just one night.

ME: Do you want plates?
DAVID: No. We'll just eat out of the wrappers. Like real men.

ME: I've gathered up some beach towels. I hope they're enough. Do you want to take my Hello Kitty towel too?
DAVID: Uhhhh, yeah, you can leave that one out of the pile.

ME: Do you want to take pillows?
DAVID: *exasperated sigh* I guess.

So, I lovingly gathered up pillows. What he doesn't know is that I sprayed them each with Febreze before packing them. ;-)

I mean...what are we...savages?


*********************************************************************

SUNDAY MORNING UPDATE

I text messaged David first thing this morning to see if they slept well. His text reply is below:
Day 12. No food in over a week. The voices say to eat the others but still I am hesitant.

20 BROCK STREET

Last Monday was an important day to me. Yes, it was September 11th...no doubt an important day in the life of every American. However, 9/11/06 was important to the entire Elliott family because we buried my grandmother.

Before you say, "Oh. I'm so sorry," please realize that it was a day of celebration. In my mind, it was the day my grandmother was set free. She's no longer trapped in a body rendered immobile by a major stroke nine years ago. How can I NOT be happy about that?! It would be selfish of me to wish otherwise for her. Trite as it could possibly sound, she really did experience ultimate healing last week.

There's not enough space here to eulogize my grandmother and hope to do her justice--I won't even try.

She was an amazing woman. A strong woman. A true steel magnolia.

I could reminisce about all of the ways that she cared for me and the other grandchildren. I could tell stories about what a supportive wife she was. I could write paragraph after paragraph about her unbelievable cooking. I could list pages of selfless acts that she performed throughout her 86 years in this world.

When I think of my grandmother, I think of stability. Plain and simple.

You see, my family moved quite often as I grew up. Between stints as an Army brat, a seminary kid, and then a preacher's kid, I'd be hard-pressed to rattle off all of my addresses through the years. Some I remember, others I don't. Sure, I could probably scrounge up a street name for you, but a number? Are you kidding? Too many to remember.

However, one thing always stayed consistent in my life. Grandmother was always going to be safely ensconced in her humble house at 20 Brock Street. It wasn't just a house. It was a home...my home.

I spent countless hours, days, months there. I can honestly say that the majority of my Christmas memories are of waking up (in my sleeping bag) at her home. I remember meals at the kids' table. I remember the exhilaration of finally earning a spot at the adults' table. I remember bringing my friends to her house. (Naturally, she fed us all!) I remember "courting" *ahem* several different boyfriends at her house. (Please note that alllll potential boyfriends had to pass the grandmother test!)

Throughout my college years, whenever I had to fill out any forms, I (without hesitation) always listed her address as my "permanent" address. I knew that it was always possible that my parents may move...but I could always rely on 20 Brock Street being my permanent address.

Always....

SO, IT REALLY ISSSS THE LITTLE THINGS . . .

I majored in psychology in college and enjoyed (almost) every minute of it. Despite my fascination with the human psyche, I'm not normally drawn to the self-help section of Barnes and Noble. I enjoy occasionally reading about the powerful gray matter that sublets the space between our ears...however, I couldn't live on a steady diet of I'm-okay-you're-okay literary material. (Can be kind of a downer. Don't you agree?)

Yesterday, I listened to a fascinating psychology professor on TV (from fancy-schmancy Harvard, no less). He's been schlepping his new book, Stumbling on Happiness, from talk show to talk show.


He listed what he believes to be the four main "ingredients" to happiness. Actually? They seem pretty simple. Pretty intuitive. I guess we do tend to get too busy to notice the obvious at times, huh? (at least I know I do!)

In my own words, here are the things he said were pertinent to general happiness . . .
* Relationships with family and friends are vital. (no doubt!)
* Small moments count. It's the number of things that bring us happiness throughout our day - not how huge the events are. (Yeah. I think I agree.)
* We need to value experiences over objects. (Amen. Amen. Aaaaaamen! Give me a great trip somewhere, as opposed to a shiny, new car, any day!)
* Don't sweat every decision so much. People end up fairly happy either way. Decisions can seem much bigger in the moment. (I'm pretty sure that I have wasted much energy sweating the small stuff.)

So, what made me happy today, you ask?

*sigh* I paid $2.01 a gallon for gas today. That's what made me happy. ;-)

It really is the little things. Doesn't take a Harvard professor to figure that one out.

CONTINUUM

Although I like to blog about what CDs are in my player at any given point, I don't normally presume to outright recommend music. I don't feel fully comfortable endorsing any particular CD -- or style of music for that matter!

Just because all of you guys are my friends, I realize that doesn't necessarily mean that you share my (sometimes) obscure and (often) schizophrenic taste in all things music. ;-)

Howeeeeeeevvver, I've gotta say -- RUN, don't walk, to buy the new John Mayer CD (Continuum). You won't regret it.

I've been a fan for years. LOVED his pop albums, really enjoyed his straight-ahead blues CD last year...heck, I even own a few obscure mp3 downloads from his live days in seedy venues in the ATL. I've gotta say, this maaaaaay just be my favorite project of his YET. It's a great blend of his pop AND blues stuff.

Smooth vocals. Intelligent lyrics. And that guitar playing??!!! I swear sometimes he's channeling Stevie Ray Vaughn.

Um, and did I mention he's kinda easy on the eyes, y'all? ;-)

WHAT I'M READING AND LISTENING TO

THE RACONTEURS
Broken Boy Soldiers

Have really been listening to this CD a lot lately. SOOO good. They sound like a raw, garage band. The production is gritty & not super-polished. I've always been a fan of Jack White (really dig the White Stripes) -- this is some of his best work ever.

[Side note: Wow. Jack could REALLY use some vitamin D. What DOES the boy have against a little sun?! And I thought IIIIII was pale....)


BLUE LIKE JAZZ
by Donald Miller

This was my favorite book of the past couple of years. I actually started re-reading it a few weeks ago. There was so much to digest the first go 'round...thought I might be able to glean different "driblets" on the second read through. Donald Miller's transparency is unbelievably refreshing. This is by NO means a nice, neat, tidy Christian book. He doesn't claim to have all of the answers. I sincerely wish that I could have been exposed to writing like this years ago. (Although, I suppose it's possible that I wouldn't have been as open to his ideas 20 years ago).

I admire the way that he doesn't paint Christianity with the typical brush -- on the predictable canvas. No doubt, this book has probably raised many eyebrows in the ultra-conservative Christian community. (Hey, that can't be all bad, huh?)

I plan on blogging at a later date about this book with more detail. There's so much there. I don't know where to begin right now. :-)

WALK A MILE IN MY SHOES

"When people wear shoes that don't fit them, it says something about their soul. Generally, I think it means they are good people."
--Billy Bob Thornton

I realize that the primary purpose of shoes is to protect your feet. However, like many, many women, my shoes are more than functional--they say a lot about me. It's no secret that I adore high heels. I'm drawn to them like a moth to a flame! I'm sure part of the attraction stems from the fact that I'm so short. But face it, they're also girlie and I'm nothing if not girlie!

I had a woman admit to me that she sits up front at our church whenever she can. She wants to have a "clear shot" of the stage. She told her husband, "I have to sit down front. I want to see what shoes Lori will have on today." (Glad to know I'm making a serious difference in people's lives!)

Although I own several pairs of shoes, I take great pride and joy in spending a minimal amount of my hard-earned funds on them. My philosophy? The less I pay for shoes, the more I can buy!!!! (Am I right, ladies?)

I'll admit, I'm not always practical when it comes to my choice of zapatos. Sadly, I think my feet are beginning to pay the price. They ache. They ache often. My first few steps in the morning aren't exactly full of vim and vigor...it's more like a tentative hobble. :-(



David returned home from one of his trips last weekend. He had a gift in hand (as he often does). Rather than some feminine perfume or piece of jewelry, he produced a pair of CROCS. Not normally considered a romantic gift, I'll admit.
Let me just say...I'm in love. There's no turning back, I fear. I had no idea that such an ugly shoe could produce such joy!!!!! I tried them on immediately and haven't taken them off very often this week.

CROCS are a huge phenomenon right now. However, as much as I enjoy a good trend, I SWORE I wouldn't give in to this particular trend. Have you SEEN them? They're horribly unattractive. In my opinion, they actually succeed in making Birkenstocks look sexy...no easy feat! ;-)

David did show enough forethought to at least purchase a pair of sassy gold CROCS. At least I can feel somewhat fashionable while trying to avoid a trip to the podiatrist.

Before anyone panics and assumes that I've gone soft and practical, let me make something VERY clear. I shan't be wearing these CROCS out-and-about. You won't see me in them at work. I won't sport them at church. I suppose it's possible that I'll wear them in a dark movie theater. Maybe no one will see.

Is is possibly that this is a sign of growth? Could I be *gulp* growing up??!!