HAVE YOU BEEN TO SPARTANBURG LATELY?

I've always enjoyed watching beauty pageants. Go ahead. Judge me if you will BUT I admit it ... "My name is L and I'm a beauty pageant-holic." Sure, when I was little, I had dreams of wearing the Miss America crown. I was equally as drawn to that regal velvet cape and ominous scepter. (I usually had to settle for a beach towel tied around my neck and a five-and-dime baton firmly placed in both hands.)

In recent years, I've probably become a little more jaded and, quite frankly, my opinion of pageants may have changed a bit. However, I still enjoy watching them -- now, I simply watch them for the entertainment value. I'm content to piously sit on my couch, while munching popcorn and chocolate chip cookies, and make fun of the skinny, pretty chicks. ;-) (Horrible, I realize.)

Annnnnyway ... last year, about this time, I was in the gym, minding my business, working out. I was at the end of a 30-minute cardio session and, well, I wasn't looking my freshest. Due to the July heat and my elevated heart rate, my rosy cheeks and glistening forehead were in full effect. My once perky ponytail had become wilted, skewed and lifeless. I had paid my dues, done my penance -- I was ready to go home!!

A camera crew entered the gym. The "official looking leader" of the crew (I assumed he was official because he was carrying a clipboard ... duh.) took a look around the gym & immediately walked over to the treadmills. He asked if anyone would be willing to let him get a little footage of their feet walking on the treadmill. Hmmmm. Seems harmless enough. "Sure. No problem" I agreed. (I'm proud of my pink tennis shoes! How often do you get to show them off?!)

Mr. Leader theeeeen asked if he could get a shot of my actual face while I walked on the treadmill. I reluctantly agreed and before you could say "clogged arteries" I was asked to sign a release form. I signed -- all the while never stopping the treadmill! ;-)

After getting a few seconds of footage, Mr. Leader then asked if I'd be willing to say something on camera. What?! You've gotta be kidding? Well, um, okay. Next thing I knew, I was being rigged up with a mic. It was then that Mr. Leader asked me to enthusiastically pump my arms and say (with glee and conviction) "Have YOU been to Spartanburg LATELY?" I followed his directions and, after about three takes, we had it.

As soon as I got into my car, I called David and excitedly exclaimed, "Hey, listen. I'm going to Hollywood!" I recounted the experience to him. Naturally, his first logical question was, "So, what exactly was this for?" (Hmmm. What a good question.) I had to sheepishly admit that I had no idea! ;-) Now, I realize that similar scenarios happen in seedy Hollywood everyday and young girls often find themselves in quite a bind as a result. However, I suppose that when I saw the local TV station's logo in the top corner of the release form, I assumed it was for some sort of promotion -- you know, one that no one would see.

Two days later, as I was home alone on a summer, Saturday night, watching the oh-so-entertaining Miss South Carolina Pageant ... THERE it was! Myyyyy commercial. My big ole face, in all of its close up glory, beaming with that chipper expression. "Have YOU been to Spartanburg LATELY?" Ugh. My heart sunk. Oh well. Maybe no one saw it!

No such luck.

I had numerous comments from family and friends over the next few days. "I saw you on the Miss SC Pageant the other night! Barely recognized you!" (I'm assuming this is because I make it a habit of never going out in public while sweating profusely.)

I waited for the talent scouts to call. Alas, it was not meant to be. :-(

Last week, David and I sat down to watch this year's pageant. (Sure, it took a little convincing to talk him into watching with me. However, he quickly saw that making snarky comments really could be a sport!)He graciously endured the experience.

Then ... there it was ... again ... catching me off guard. My close up shot! "Have YOU been to Spartanburg LATELY?" David said what ANY wise husband should say, "You've lost weight." (I love him.)

The moral of this story? Girls, always get a little more information before you allow yourself to be filmed by a stranger. These, I'm quite certain, are words to live by.